The Stinky Cheese Man


by Jaime Locke

Characters: Narrator, Old Man 1, Old Man 2, Cow, Boy, Stinky Cheese Man, Girl, Fox

Narrator: “Raise your hand if you know the story of the Gingerbread Man. Well, this story is a stinky twist on that classic tale.” 


Stinky: “Yeah, who needs gingerbread when you can have Roquefort 
[roke-fert]?

Narrator: “What?” 


Stinky:
“You know, one of the stinkiest cheeses in the world. It’s made from raw sheep’s milk, and kept in caves in Southern France.” 


Narrator: “Are you kidding me?” 


Stinky: “No. The French love their cheese, the stinkier the better!” 


Narrator: “Anyways, can we get back to our story?” 


Stinky: “Oh, excuse-mwah.” 


Narrator: “Once upon a time …” 


Old Man 1: “I lived with my brother, a little old man.” 


Old Man 2: “We didn’t have a little brother, so we were very lonely.” 


Narrator: “One day, they decided to make a man out of the stinky cheese.” 


Old Man 1: “Don’t ask me why we decided to use stinky cheese.” 


Old Man 2: “Well, I’ll tell you why. I LOVE cheese, the stinkier the better. So why not make a little brother out of it?” 


Old Man 1: “Let’s see now, what do I have in the fridge that I can use for the eyes and nose?” 


Old Man 2: “How about olives for the eyes, and a nice piece of bacon for the mouth?” 


Old Man 1: “Okay. I guess it can’t get any stinkier than it already is!” 


Narrator: “5 minutes later …” 


Old Man 2: “I think you should check on our stinky little brother, my brother.” 


Narrator: “When she opened the oven, to see if he was done, the smell knocked her back.” 


Old Man 1: “Pew! What is that terrible smell?” 


Old Man 2: “I think he’s done!” 


Narrator: “The Stinky Cheese Man hopped out of the oven, and ran out the door, calling out …” 


Stinky: “Run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Stinky Cheese Man!” 


Narrator: “The little old lady and the little old man sniffed the air.” 


Old Man 2: “I’m not really very hungry.” 


Old Man 1: “I’m not really all that lonely.” 


Narrator: “So, they didn’t chase the Stinky Cheese Man. But he kept running, until he met a cow eating grass in a field.” 


Cow: “Holy cow, what’s that awful smell?” 


Stinky: “It’s me! I’ve run away from a little old lady, and a little old man, and I can run away from you, too.” 


Cow: “I bet you could.” 


Stinky: “Run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Stinky Cheese Man!” 


Cow: “I bet you could give someone two or three stomachaches. No thank you. I think I’ll just eat weeds.” 


Narrator: “So the cow didn’t chase the Stinky Cheese Man, either.” 


Cow: (sniffing) “Smells like that guy is made of Munster.” 


Narrator: “What?” 


Cow: “You know, one of the stinkiest cheeses in the world. It’s French. The French love their cheese, the stinkier the better!” 


Narrator: “Yeah, I’ve heard that before. So he kept running, until he met some kids playing outside a school.” 


Girl: “Gross! What’s that nasty smell?” 


Boy: “It’s coming from over there.” 


Stinky: “It’s me! I’ve run away from a little old lady, a little old man, and a cow, and I can run away from you, too.” 


Girl: “I’m sure you could.” 


Boy: “If we catch him, our teacher will probably make us eat him. Let’s get out of here!” 


Stinky: “Run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Stinky Cheese Man!” 


Narrator: “So the kids didn’t chase the Stinky Cheese Man, either.” 


Girl: (sniffing) “Smells like that guy is made of Camembert  [cah-mum-bear].”


Boy: (sniffing) “No. I think he’s made of Epoisses  [ay-pwah-ss].”


Narrator: “Let me guess. You’re talking about French cheeses?” 


Girl: “Yep. The French love their cheese, the stinkier the better!” 


Boy: “Yeah, Epoisses is so stinky, that it’s against the law to eat it on buses and the subway in France.” 


Narrator: “I’m getting quite the cheese lesson today. So the Stinky Cheese Man kept running, until he came to a river with no bridge.” 


Stinky: “How will I ever cross this river? It’s too big to jump, and if I try to swim across, I’ll probably fall apart.” 


Narrator: “Just then, the sly fox, (who shows up in a lot of stories like these) poked his head out of the bushes.” 


Fox: “Well, hello little guy.” 


Stinky: “It’s me!” 


Fox: “What?” 


Stinky: “Oh, I thought you were going to ask what stinks so bad.” 


Fox: “Well, you are pretty pungent. If you want to get across this river, then just hop on my back, and I’ll carry you across.” 


Stinky: “Wait a minute. How do I know you won’t eat me?” 


Fox: “Trust me. Look at this face. Don’t I look like a cute, harmless fox?”  


Stinky: “Hmm. Okay.”  


Narrator: “So, the Stinky Cheese Man hopped on the fox’s back. The fox swam to the middle of the river, and caught a whiff of something.” 


Fox: “Oh man, what is that funky smell?” 


Stinky: “You were supposed to ask me that about two minutes ago.” 


Narrator: “The fox coughed.” 


Fox: (coughing)


Narrator: “He gagged.” 


Fox: (gagging)


Narrator: “He sneezed.” 


Fox: (sneezing)


Narrator: “And the Stinky Cheese Man flew off the fox’s back, and into the river! … “ 


Stinky: “Ahh!” 


Narrator: ” … where he fell apart.” 


Old Man 1, Old Man 2, Cow, Boy, Girl: “Good riddance!” 


Cow: “I wonder if stinky cheese is still stinky when it’s wet?” 


Boy: “Who cares?” 


Old Man 2: “Next time, I think I’ll just use gingerbread.” 


Narrator: “THE Stinky END.”